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5 posts
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Please help me find the answer

snorks started this conversation
Jun 30, 2008

   As I write this, I don’t know if any one will ever even read it, or understand it. But I feel the need to tell my story, to ask my question, because I am just so desperate to find the answer, if the truth is out there, somewhere, I want to find it.

   I am a 45 year old single mother raising two teenage boys on my own. They are 14 and 16 years old. Before you go judging me for “choosing” to be a single parent….you should know that I was married to a man that I believed was a good man, and after we married, we had two sons together. Then I found out that he was sexually abusing one of the children, and so I had to leave to protect my children.

   My question is this…how is a single person supposed to earn enough to support a family of three? I work and I also attend college. I earn about $12.50 per hour at my current job.  In the state I live in I don’t qualify for ANY type of assistance, because in Utah, $12.50 per hour is a “good” job, and I earn
too much” to get food stamps, or housing assistance, or help with insurance, or even school lunch for my kids.

   After taxes, I only take home about 1,600 per month. From that, I have to pay rent, car, insurance, utilities and food, and most times, there really isn’t enough for all of that. In Utah, the average rent for a 3 bedroom apartment is at least $800 (if you’re lucky.) No one will rent me a two bedroom apartment, because of the ages of my children. In Utah, utilities are very expensive, as is gas and food.

   I am going to school to help myself, hoping that I will not always be in this desperate situation, but I am beginning to see that it is futile. Once my kids are grown and moved out (if they can afford to move out!) I will still need a roof overhead, and my oldest son, he has a disability, and I am not sure when he will ever learn to drive, and work and become independent.

   I figured out that I need to earn at least 17.00 per hour, just to squeak by once I graduate, and of course figuring in pay back on the student loan (classes at USU are over about $900 per class, no book included!) and to be honest, I just don’t even know how it can be done. What are the chances I will even get a job that pays 17 dollars per hour in Utah, and even then, that’s just to get by…

   Most friends, relatives, and co-workers have a two income family, and are earning twice what I earn, and there are a few, where the husband just is a high earner, and if the wife works, that income is for “fun” money.

    Many, many woman I know seem to marry or otherwise “hook-up” with men, (or even stay with abusive men) just because they know they have to in order to pay the bills, and take care of the kids. I am not here to judge them, but as for me, I just can’t have a relationship or marry someone because I need his income. I think that is a horrible reason to be with someone.

   So I struggle with the thought…”is this really as good as it gets for me?” Sometimes I feel sickened that It really does take $17.00 per hour just to provide the basics of living. I went onto a government website today just to see….maybe I am way off.  That website said that it costs a family of three 36,000 per year (gross income) to even have the basics…food, housing, utilities, medical and transportation, and they were only figuring 500 per month for housing. There is no housing in Utah for 500 per month.

   Sometimes I read study and ponder and try to find the answer….please don’t tell me that faith is the answer. I think faith is a beautiful thing, and I believe miracles do happen, however, in my life, I have not been the recipient of good fortune, or “karma”, and “faith” will not pay my bills. (I tried to pay my electric bill with a note that said “just have faith….good things come to those who wait! ” but that didn’t work! J )

   I really don’t want a loan….I’m not here to borrow money. I just want answers, suggestions and experience, strength and hope. How do other people do it? I guess I just so want to believe that it can be better, that it will be better someday. I just have to have hope for a brighter future in order to go on. (bluejay63@gmail.com)

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Margaret5
Oct 6, 2008

Do not let life's circumstances steal your faith or joy. God is the only one you can always depend on. But he doesn't interfere or give help until we know Him and His son Jesus Christ. We were all born with the same teo gifts ... the gift of life and the power to choose, better known as free will. I often wonder what was God thinking when he handed out free will to mankind. Then I realize, He wants us to reach out to Him freely, He wants it to be our choice to know Him, to believe in Him and to Love Him. My prayer for you is, Dear Lord I pray that you will give this desperate mother an added measure of faith today. Enlarge her ability to believe in You, Your word, Your promises, Your ways and Your powers. Put a longing in her heart to talk with You and to hear Your voice. Give her an understanding of what it means to bask in Your presence and not just ask for things in an empty way. May she sheek You, find You, rely totally upon You, be led by You, put You first, and acknowledge You in everything she does. Lord, You have said in Your Word that "whatever is not from faith is son (Romans 14:23). May this mother be free from the sin of doubt in her life.  Father you know her needs and that of her family. You see her struggling to provide for her family. You see her going to school in order to grow and better provide for her family. Thank you for helping her Lord. Thank you for surrounding her with people of understanding and a willingness to help her. Thank You for loving her and her children. In the sweet and precious name of Jesus, thank You for hearing and answering my prayers for this mother, for she is one of Your precious children too. Amen.

Philippians 4:19 "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Jesus Christ.

reply to Margaret5
Pat6
Aug 23, 2008

I hear your desperation & understand your situation.  What are you studying?  Have you gone through all state agencies i.e Children& Family Services, aid to dependent children as you stated you have a child with a disability, who may never be able to work.

Search for federal assistance, search Utah's website, check out your congreemans website see what they support and endorse. Ck. your state US senators & U.S. representives. Write to them & don't give up, keep on wrtting this is an election year & it is amazing to see what politicians will do to get elected. Send a letter to your local newspapers. Keep it brief, BUT TO THE POINT! 

I wouldn't add all the personal stuff, as it is really none of their business! Do more research on the Internet.  I know that their is a Federal Disability Act, find it & find out what they require.

sincerely,

Pat6

 

reply to Pat6
christine51
Aug 1, 2008

Hello this is christine51

I know how hard it is I live in Louisiana i live with my daughter who had a anurism and she now has heart trouble she has two kids i feel for you with teenage boys especially now. times are hard im on social security because of bad health my self and work part time she gets social security we have it hard down here too and things are gonna get a whole lot worse. you just have to hang in their and pray a lot like i do,  pray every day  and with teenage boys and be thankful for the things you do have because a lot of people are lossing their houses and wish they had your apartment to stay in,  you pray your sons  stay out of jail or out of the grave.     

reply to christine51
rpm120
Jul 28, 2008

I truly sympathize with your situation.  Unfortunately women especially end up with the short end of the stick because we are the caregivers.  Have you tried getting a second job.  Your boys are older and they would be probably be ok. I know one of them has a disability you did not say how severe.  If you have a reliable friend or relative who could look in on them while you were at the 2nd job.  As a teenager I had to work to help out my mom although my father was around but he and my mom were not together.  He gave what he could when he could but it was difficult for my mom.  Teach your sons that education is their way out and hopefully they wont continue the cycle. 

Good Luck

reply to rpm120